Monday, February 1, 2010

Duck tours

Hopefully, you live in a landlocked area, mercifully free of bodies of water and the crap they attract. I’m not talking about guano. I’m talking about those daffy Duck tours.

Originating in Boston, these city tours tote hapless visitors around in amphibious vehicles, showing them the city by land and sea.

I can deal with the concept: repurposing military DUKWs for sightseeing excursions is kind of brill. It’s the execution I want to execute. The graphics are cheeseball, the out-of-work comedians who double for tour conDUCKtors definitely do not quack me up, and the music they play makes me want to tenderize Disco Duck with a giant glitter ball.

If that wasn’t enough to make my eyes and ears bleed, the Ducks incessantly quack as they drive around town, which makes it pretty miserable to live or work on their route. I know; I’ve been there.

If these motherduckers migrate to your town, be sure to flip them the bird.



Sue (Vintage Rescue) said...

Try living with this indignity in the Nation's Capitol. Punching the operators, conDUCKtors, and patrons would be letting them off easy.

JMo said...

I got drunk once with a girlfriend and went on the Seattle Duck Tour out of sheer boredom. It was the most wasted 2 hours of my life. Besides the ridiculous quacking at people walking down the sidewalk, our tour guide was giving the poor, unsuspecting tourists a bunch of bullshit tidbits about Seattle, I can only assume to make the city seem more interesting. They even claimed Seattle was the headquarters of Nike. Puleeeez.

Unknown said...

I took the Spaniard on a duck tour last spring- we still quote the touristy facts :) I love the duck tour, like I love foam cheeseheads, fist-pumping to Journey, and Adventureland (really embarrassing amusement park in Iowa).
Whenever the Spaniard says, 'You would never see this in Spain', you know I'm down.

Fanboy Wife said...

Kim, I've been to Adventureland, and it is shameful. I've never even heard of a Duck Tour before, but I bet they're not as bad as that “amusement” park in Iowa.

Molly's Mom said...

Even Saugatuck, MI has a duck boat tour...and I was cheesy enough to go on it. The boats did NOT quack, though.

Bery said...

My husband and I rode one in Baltimore and it was fun but it never occurred to me that those quacks could be dreading... but now that I give it a thought, yes they could be. Having to listen to them on a daily basis haha!