Thursday, October 1, 2009

Man caves

You man, me woman. I get it. It’s not that hard to figure out our differences. You shave, I wax. You like Red Dawn, we dig Dirty Dancing. But when it comes to portioning off areas of the house, I don’t see why you XYs need your own space to watch sports or porn or whatever it is you do in there. You don’t need a separate hole to crawl into when you are discovering fire or sharpening tools. That’s what the garage is for, Encino Man.

And your male room shouldn’t be where the wagon wheel coffee table goes to die; that’s what craigslist is for, duh. Lose the threadbare recliner and put your collection of baseball caps or hockey jerseys in storage. Call me crazy, but clothing is meant to be put on the body, not hung on a wall.

I hate to break it to you, but you’re not a cave man. You’re a guy who hasn’t shaved in three days. Wash off your Pleistocene funk, turn on the light, and for god’s sake, stop grunting. If not, I'll have no choice but to whack you with a woolly mammoth bone, which is going to leave a mark, no matter how you try to cover it up with your loincloth.



Unknown said...

I can't help it -- I kinda want a man cave for myself.

Jennifer Worick said...

You know, Tim, it's not the separate room so much as it is the term "man cave." It sort of reduces guys to knuckle-dragging status and I think y'all are better than that. Maybe it should be called a "Gentleman's Club" or the "Male Room" or something like that.

Unknown said...

My husband made his 'man cave' in the shed. The metal, rusting, ghetto shed, in the yard. He has a tiny tv and a cast-off padded lawn chair in there, along with a fan for Summer and a small heater for winter. He lives there now. He only comes in to go to bed. We call him "Shed Guy." Meanwhile, I have to store my Xmas decos and my garden tools in the back of the 'man van' that he never ever drives. Because he has displaced them with his shed lifestyle. I want to punch HIM in the face.

John Lennerton said...

I don't know for sure, but I suspect that, as we neanderthals grow older, our ideal man cave evolves, even if we don't.

Mine is now a clean, well lit, large room with a big screen TV, killer sound system, easy access to the kitchen, and comfortable furniture.

And, everything is color coordinated.

Oh, and women are allowed access at any time. Well, only ONE woman is allowed access at ANY time, but you get the idea...

otisgexperience said...

Think of it as a sewing room... for dudes.

SkitzoLeezra said...

I like the idea of a man cave. He can perform all the offensive behavior in there and come out when he feels like a grown up.
Call it "Time Out" and like magic, it becomes a good thing.

muaddib said...

we have a mancave to store the furniture we had before we got married.

cause god knows we cant decorate with it, we have to use yours.

including the 47 pillows on the bed all with a different name.