Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Well drinks

I spent nigh on three decades wondering what all the fuss was about. I grew up with blue-collar alcoholics, I saw a buttload of drinking in college, and then I entered the working world, which meant a lot of ill-advised shoulder pads, crap happy hours, and drink specials.

Which meant a lot of cheap hooch and well drinks.

I didn't get it. Whiskey sours, sea breezes, white wine spritzers, Cape Cods, gin and tonics, highballs, vodka gimlets, screwdrivers, scotch and soda… I sampled the hell out of them all and found one common thread.

They all sucked gas-station attendant ass.

They tasted of medicine and jet fuel, laced with teeth-bruising sweetness. I didn't get it. I didn't cotton to beer and while I liked the pretentiousness of wine culture and barrel-aged reds, my migraines didn't.

So I stuck to Diet Coke.

Then something miraculous happened. I ordered a Tanqueray and tonic. My taste buds screamed their approval and I never looked back at the nameless bottles behind the bar. I traded up to the literal top-shelf liquors, trying Bombay, Tanqueray 10, Hendricks, Plymouth, Death's Door, and other kinds of fancy-pants gin. I asked a bartender to create a flight of martinis with different vodkas so my girlfriends and I could do a proper taste test. I no longer need to wish at the well because my dreams came true in a delicious green bottle.

 What's the worst drink you've ever knocked back?

(photo: mchenryconightout.com)

8 comments:

Lindsay said...

The worst I ever had was a bottom shelf tequila that me and my roommates purchased for a Christmas party in college. I don't remember what it was really called, but thanks to my years of high school Spanish I was able to loosely translate it to "dirty shoes." Blech. I still get a deja vu bad taste in my mouth every now and then.

Moshbear said...

A long island iced tea with really cheap tequila. Even with a BAC of 0.25, that tasted horrible.

Wilma NC said...

I drink rarely now, but when I partied a little more, I would always get a double shot of Wild Turkey, toss it back then drink some good tasting diet coke until I felt I needed a little more drink. I don;t lie the taste of alcohol (except the million calorie Margueritas) so I would just get it out of the way and enjoy the buzz.

Jennifer Worick said...

For my 21st birthday, someone bought me a 'Gorilla Fart,' which I think had SoCo, Jack, and a variety of other foul things. It lived up to its name.

Parabolic Muse said...

Okay, you are speaking my language, sister. Give me the Grey Goose and the Bombay Sapphire. Unless I'm going to drink every day like a fish, there is no excuse to worry about paying an extra five-ten dollars to get a decent drink.

The worst drink I've ever had is anything with tonic in it. I mean, any decent liquor with tonic in it. Why ruin it like that? Who even thought of that? gross. But then, I also don't like Jagermeister, so I clearly don't know what's good for me. But I'll take good gin, good vodka, good bourbon, good champagne, good tequila, and good schnapps.

thank you.

SkitzoLeezra said...

Oh, my gosh, you like gin too? I thought we were a dying breed. Picked it as my go-to drink during my college ladies night imbibing and have been loyal to the snazzy green and sapphire blue bottles ever since.
Tonic, soda or even diet soda: it's all good with gin.
Let ye without gin . . .

Anonymous said...

Sloe gin fizz. That's some nasty stuff.

Anonymous said...

Gin.
No, really. I can't stand that stuff. I'm a vodka girl when it comes to hard liquor. Otherwise, just give me a beer, please.