Sunday, May 15, 2011

Naked pregnancy portraits

You’re gorgeous and juicy, ladyfriend, but you’re not Demi Moore. I don’t want to see you naked when you’re not pregnant. I sure as shit don’t want to see you drop trou with a bun in the oven.


I don’t have a problem with you hiring Annie Leibovitz to capture this oh-so-important period in your life. Just don’t ask me to pore over the album, attend the portrait unveiling, or suffer your new two-for-one Facebook photo.


Treacly pregnancy photos bring navel gazing to a new level. Literally. In fact, your new outie is all you can see. Don't get me wrong: I can't wait to see the new addition to your family. In the meantime, just show me the sonogram.


(photo: virginmedia.com)

8 comments:

Ryan said...

you've said what i've thought many, many times before.

a little too much.

PUNCH!

cindy shake said...

I'm so with you on this one. Even the bare mama belly shots with protruding a navel are hard to look at!

Ash said...

To think that there are even Suicide Girls albums that are all about the pregnant women scares me.. Especially the one with the chickens.

I don't want to see anyone's pregnant belly button, I don't want to feel anyone's kicking belly, and don't be offended if I don't ask how far along you are or when you're due. I can't have kids of my own, and so I just prefer not to think about any of that.

Michaela said...

Hilarious and oh, so true. I remember going to a party in NYC back in the 90's for an unveiling of one and felt like a prude because it..well, it was weird.

Scott McElhinnie said...

I was working the gate at a local festival and saw all my co-volunteers faces freeze into a fake smile as the bus doors opened and out came a very, very pregnant lady wearing a halter top with a lovely piece of grey duck tape taped over her protruding belly button. i live in a classy city!

sevara T. said...

Oh god. Ya women are pregnant, but not everyone wants to hear about that! Or see the sonogram pics. Or talk about how your feet are swollen. Feeling your tummy isn't on my list either. Or see you butt naked!
Ya, you are a pregnant lady, but please keep your pregnancy to yourself!

SkitzoLeezra said...

Ugh, I said it before . . . if I am not invited to watch the conception, then I'd rather not see the result.
Fucking narcissists . . . .

Anonymous said...

You are funny!

-- Jim Lowry