Thursday, October 21, 2010

Jazz

In general, I like to know where I’m going, be it a drive, a project, or a piece of music. Jazz fills me with agita. I don’t know when it’s going to end, I don’t know what the squirrelly fucker is going to pull next.

I have to say, I’m kind of blue about this. Unlike PT Cruisers and mimes, I want to like jazz. I want to don a beret and sit in a dark club, nodding my head and saying things like, “Yeah, man” and “Dig that smooth groove.” I used to think I wasn’t smart enough to get jazz. Now I feel as if all the cool kids know the secret Herbie Hand(cock)shake and left me out of the Felonious Monk Memorial Clubhouse.

This only fuels my anger, which is swelling to the point where I want to give the David Brubeck Quartet a serious time out and inflict some damage on David Sanborn’s reed. Scat needs to scram. You dig, Dizzy?

(photo: triangleartsandentertainment.org)

11 comments:

Generic Jen B said...

*deep breath* My name is Jen B and I hate jazz.

I feel great!

Heather said...

Not a fan either...

Yet Another Steve said...

Oh, there is good jazz, where someone remembers to play the actual tune, and then there's the bad kind where everyone is so busy "riffing" that nobody can be bothered to take the boring old melody or rhythm. The former kind includes Ella Fitzgerald and almost anything from the 1920s and '30s; the latter is what they play you in Hell.

LLBean said...

I was just talking about this last night on the way home. My boyfriend was making fun of me, not understanding how I can love death metal but not be able to deal with jazz. I'm so with you on this one, Ms. Worick.

SkitzoLeezra said...

Jazz is masturbatory, meaning only the performer is enjoying himself.
It's no mistake the words "jazz" and "jizz" are so similar.

Jennifer Worick said...

SkitzoLeezra: You managed to sum up my feelings very succinctly. Hilarious!

SkitzoLeezra said...

((blushing with pride))
Thanks, JeWo!

sondic said...

ohmygoodness! I feel EXACTLY the same way! I hate dave coz. I want to love jazz. I just hate that it follows no discernable pattern and it makes my brain hurt. I DO however like jazz blues....I forgive myself for not liking modern jazz because I love jazzy music from the 40's. Give me Billie Holiday any day of the week. So I've decided that it is just the MODERN part of jazz that I hate. (I love vintage everything.)Back in the day, more stuff followed an actual pattern. The end.

vintagebetti said...

a) I love your blog. You are always spot on. You validate my annoyances on a regular basis.

b) You know it is Thelonius Monk, right? I thought so.

c) I have the same dilemma regarding
wanting to like Jazz, just as I do with Modern Art. I want to get it, I just don't. I'm so uncool....

ThoughtShot said...

My trumpet teacher said that "people who listen to jazz as background music are idiots." He said that if you listen to jazz, you have to be doing NOTHING ELSE. I tried. It's harder than meditation. Seriously. Try it.

Hubertus said...

hating on 'jazz' is like trying to paint an 8"x10" portrait with a 12" roller. it's a stupid thing to do, considering the two musicians you've chosen for examples.

maybe you are indeed not smart enough to get 'jazz', and by very simple reckoning, not smart about music at all.

you see, when herbie or monk (or their bandmates) were playing, they were starting with something called a melody. if you'd listen, you'd pick up that the melody provided a backbone for the individuals soloing to start with, and end with. sure, they're prone to taking off in directions which are completely divergent from that melody, but if you want to know where they're going, listen for the melody to reappear from what may seem to be cacaphonous riffing.

that's the beauty of jazz, it's like watching someone fall down 8 flights of stairs and landing on their feet mid-stride.

i ain't gonna lie and pretend that all jazz is eloquent, or makes sense, or starts or even utilizes basics such as melody, but if you wanna hate on jazz, hate on oliver lake or john zorn, and leave players with melody out of it.