Sunday, August 1, 2010

Precious Moments

These china clowns, cherubs, and rascals skipped through the nightmares of my youth and I’m still holding a grudge (when I’m not huddled in the fetal position). They traveled in big-eyed packs, alongside Love’s Baby Soft, window crystals, and rainbow stickers. They may have been pastel, but they were far from soothing.

Precious Moments really exploded when I was knee-sock-deep into Catholic school, so it was no surprise that I was initially drawn to their cheeky innocence. I had one particularly adorbs lamb that I lifted from a nativity scene. I wanted to hug it and kiss it and call it my own. After about five minutes, however, I moved onto Shaun Cassidy and put my porcelain pet out to pasture.

But that was not enough to corral the horror. Tears of a clown would rain down my face at the thought of the baby mimes and toddler princesses littering the Hallmark store at the Fairplain Plaza. What really gets my goat now is the thought of all these evil Enesco eyesores sitting on shelves and in cabinets around the world. I’ll finally give them an actual reason for those sad eyes: my hammer coming toward their shiny, happy faces.

(photo: carolscrafts.com)

12 comments:

mduette said...

I just went to a very dark place.

SkitzoLeezra said...

Hate to be the I-can-top-that-story girl but I personally witnessed a Precious Moments water-headed bridal couple figurine ON THE TOP OF A WEDDING CAKE! You heard right. And no, the actual bridal couple was not retarded nor otherwise developmentally disabled. It was sadly just an incredible lack of taste.

Marylyn said...

Me too - not to "one up" anyone here. But, my now 29 yr old brother is the proud owner of a complete Precious Moments Natvity Scene. Every year since 1981, for a Christmas gift, he would receive a new piece. Ahhh, memories... :-)

Shonelle said...

Omg, those demonic little cheery dolls scare the crap out of me. No joke.

I adore your blog! It's got me thinking about all the "Things I'd Like to Kick in the Nuts." Thanks for the laughs! :)

珍盈洪 said...
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群育航學 said...
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Fanboy Wife said...

My grandmother once gave me some Precious Moments thing when I was a kid. I must have looked insincere when I said, "Thank you," because I never got another one.

I know a lot of people who have been trapped because they received Precious Moments crap from their grandmothers and put them on display. Then, other people saw it and thought the owner must really like that ceramic piece of crap, and so they bought them more!

雅佳謙筑 said...

海鷗要高飛,必先遠退。花蜜要香醇,必先久釀。............................................................

黃以陳美苓富 said...

Poverty is stranger to industry..............................................

brand-eye said...

these things always creeped me out. why grown women collect them is beyond me.

Laurie Marshall said...

So, you probably wouldn't be interested in visiting the PM chapel that's about 1.5 hours north of me when you make it to the Ozarks. http://www.preciousmoments.com/content.cfm/park_chapel

Dammit. Now I'll have to find something else for us to do...

Parabolic Muse said...

I feel badly that I'm so old I didn't even notice this crap.