Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Kids’ songs

“Baaaaackpack, backpack!”

“Hot dog! I’ve got the rhythm in my head.” 

“There were ten in the bed and the little one said, ‘Roll over, roll over.’”

Clearly, there are many problems with the above scenario (TEN in the bed? Are we in a Dickens’ novel?); however, the biggest beef I have is that I can’t get the mother-lovin’ song out of my head.

As much as I tried to sing “Doncha wish your baby was hot like me?” to my goddaughter, it’s the wheels on the bus that go round and round in my head. A friend once instructed me to hum the Entertainment Tonight theme whenever I got stuck in an endless loop of song suckage. Happily, this worked for wrong songs from Sisqó, the Baha Men, and a musician ex-boyfriend, but kids’ songs are more insidious. They appear innocent on the surface, which makes them all the more sinister (think of what happened to baby-faced Anakin Skywalker if you need a cautionary tale).

This will not do.

Since shouting some 2 Live Crew or other material offensive to Tipper Gore’s ears might stunt a toddler’s growth, I propose that for every one Wiggles or Little Einstein song we have to jazz hands our way through, they get to suffer the decidedly non-hummable sounds of early American Idol auditions. That’s some aural poop that will never get stuck in anyone’s cerebral sandbox.


mduette said...

Oh it's so much better when at least you can ration the madness. Pity me? Please? FYI the Diego backpack song is 10x worse (and more insidious) and the father of my children has developed a penchant for tormenting me with this in a very Rick-rolled-like fashion, to the point that I will no longer click on links he sends me, ever.

It is a testament to how much I like you that I even came over to read this, knowing full well what would happen. You're welcome! *cries copious tears*

Chickens in the Basement said...

I was never so happy when my boys outgrew Barney. There were nights that I could not get "I love you, you love me..." out of my head all night long. Talk about suckage overload!

But one step further, when Kids Bop came out and children were singing pop songs, I thought my ears would bleed. And we didn't even own the CD. I couldn't turn the commercials off fast enough.

Thanks for the bitch session!

Heather - Dollarstorecrafts.com said...

We call any song that gets stuck in your head a "bad karma" song. And, we only listen to Raffi in our house, so at least the songs are mostly decent, if they get stuck in your head.

one gal's trash said...

We had a Barney free household for both kids. If it caused our children any long lasting scars, it doesn't show.
You are SO going on my blog roll!

Miss Cleveland 1979 said...

I agree. Horrible. But even worse? Children singing. Specifically children singing adult songs. Those Kids Bop CDs are wrist-slittingly horrible. The sound of singing children is my version of nails on a chalkboard.

Karthika Qpt said...

The ability to recite kids songs has been found to be one of the best indicators of future reading success.