Sunday, January 2, 2011

Celebrity fragrance

Britney, Jessica, and Mariah keep churning out stinkers, and I’m not talking about their singles. Divas keep littering cosmetic counters with hiddy scents that are not “reminscent of classic Hollywood allure,” like Forever Mariah Carey promises, but rather, call to mind “poorly dressed skank” or “botched boob job.” When we whiff “Fantasy,” are we supposed to forget about Britney’s barefoot excursions to gas station bathrooms, let alone her cooch flashing, head-shaving, paparazzi-attacking antics? Are we supposed to experience a flight of “Fancy” when sniffing the treacly trifle that arbiter of style Jessica Simpson approved between shopping at Fred Segal and getting a French mani? I can smell the marketing bullshit from here, which I guarantee is celebrifree airspace. Even if a scent doesn't induce the gag reflex, do you really want a bottle of Fergie's Outspoken embarrassing your dressing table? Stop putting money in Paris’s low-rise jeans and Jessica's ginormous Louis Vuitton bag and just say no to eau de ho.



CarlaCarlaCarlaCarla said...

I nearly shit myself when I saw a commercial featuring stinky Matthew McConaughey promoting a potion intended to please the snostrils last week.

TIWTPITF 3/23/2009 Matthew McConaughey's armpits

Shieldmaiden96 said...

I count every day that I manage to stumble out of the house smelling of soap and clean clothes a win...I think I'll just be satisfied with that. Every new perfume either smells to me like grandmas on a casino bus or like it should be wafting off a tramp stamp. Pass.

We in Minnesota said...

Amen!! Why can't Lindsay Lohan just blow away in the wind or the Kardashians jump the shark?

SkitzoLeezra said...

Eau de ho.
Da-yumn, that's perfect!

Roxanne and Lorraine said...

I refuse to even sniff on princple. Ho, I hear, can be catching.


Yarni Gras! said...

ho ho ho!