Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Dangerously polite motorists

Scene: An outrageously hip woman (i.e. me) is waiting to cross the street mid-block. She’s waiting patiently, scouting out traffic to her left and right. She sees an opening after the next two cars to her left. Suddenly, the first car on her left brakes and motions for her to cross the street.

Guess what the pedestrian does?

She ducks for cover! Because the driver behind that braking car slams on HIS brakes and narrowly avoids rear-ending the polite bonehead. Plus, she’s slightly chagrined to be drawing all this vehicular attention when she was perfectly happy to wait until the traffic cleared.

And...SCENE.

I’ve wanted to punch these menaces to motorized society for a long time. Dumbasses are so busy looking forward through their windshield that they fail to look in their rear-view mirror at the pile-up they could potentially be creating. I’m not in any hurry. I’m not jogging in place or fidgeting. I’m clearly lazy; otherwise, I’d be trotting to the corner and jaywalking against the light within the white lines of the crosswalk.

When these Fail Earnharts slow for me, I want to reach through the open driver’s side window, grab the back of their head, and slam it against the dashboard, replicating the impact they’ll feel if the motorist behind them isn’t paying attention and rams into their mookmobile. That’s what I call driver’s ed.

What seemingly polite gesture do you want to smack the shit out of?

(photo: kentuckyaccidentnews.com)

10 comments:

Hilary Martin said...

Yes! I thought I was the only one who gets irritated by overly-polite traffic blockers. I'm fine waiting!!!

CarlaCarlaCarlaCarla said...

And those looky-how-kind-I-am drivers who yield the right of way to others who DON'T HAVE IT — so that those of us who are properly yielding end up waiting around for them to GET THE HELL OUTTA THE WAY!

CarlaCarlaCarlaCarla said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Teresa said...

People who don't take their turn at a four way stop and **** it all up for everyone else. What is so hard about first one there goes first, unless two arrive at same time , then person to the right goes first.
When all is going smoothly, and opposite sides are going at the same time, then the other direction goes at the same time, there is always someone who doesn't go when it's their turn. Then the whole rythm is shot!
Dumb asses!

Melly said...

I hate this too, mostly because usually traffic coming the other way is NOT stopping for me. So then that one car that's stopped is holding up traffic. I don't mind waiting for the traffic to clear. However, if I am at a crosswalk and cars don't stop, then I get bitchy. I will start yelling curse words at those dumbasses.

Joy K. said...

Supermarkets, I really really really don't want you to carry my groceries out for me. I don't mind when you ask--I mind when you insist.

scott said...

Well, you know that you are the deliciously dressed above average intelligent writer who knows when it is safe to cross the street. I, as the driver, do not have that knowledge. To me you are the cellphone talking latte juggling moron half hidden by parked cars that likes to take his first step out into the street in anticipation of my passing by him. I am not being polite, I don't have the time to wait while they scrape you off my hood and fill out accident reports. If my stopping makes anyone feel conspicuous there is a solution located at either end of the block.

Cheryl said...

I believe there is such a thing as safe jay-walking. I'm all for the quickest way from point A to point B, but I'm not going to walk into traffic until it's clear. Drivers should be able to recognize that. Especially when I'm purposely standing back from the curb to signal that I'm nowhere near ready to step a foot into the street. Really, getting hit by a car is by far the slowest way to get me from where I'm at to where I'm going, unless I was already headed to the hospital.

jcoberly1 said...

I agree with Scott, while there MAY be safe jay-walkers out there, not all of them are. I sure don't need someone jumping out in front of my car while I have my kids in there with me.

Anonymous said...

I HATE it when drivers stop at flashing yellow lights like it's a 4-way stop. Do that when the traffic lights are OUT not clearly giving you the right-of-way.