Monday, June 14, 2010

Headbands

The age of Aquarius is over, kids. And may the 80s rest in totally rad peace. I may want to get physical, but it won’t be while wearing an Olivia Newton-John headband. These headbands—I'm talking about the dumbass, hippie-dippy, Pocahontas ones that fit across your forehead—are only useful if you are playing tennis against Björn Borg in 1976. They aren’t fashionable, they are barely functional. This leaves me scratching my head, wondering why someone would follow in the misguided footsteps of Mischa Barton and the Sisters Kardashian and strap this sparkly tourniquet around her noggin. Are you trying to cover a zit or draw attention up and away from your muffin top? Compensating for a bad haircut?

Whatever the case, pull that thing off and use it to wrap a present instead of yourself. Looking at your headband is making me itch…or maybe it’s the acrylic legwarmers I suddenly felt the urge to pull on. If only I could find my Jane Fonda Workout Betamax

(photo: www.mystyle.com/mystyle)

11 comments:

nata_says_so said...

Fucking YES!

I don't understand fashion at all. If fashion people told these girls that duct tape over the mouth was the new hot look, they might actually do that and it horrifies me.

Either that, or they wear these headbands to hide a lobotomy scar.

Maybe both.

Jennifer Worick said...

Lobotomy scar, hahahahaha! I wish I had thought of that but clearly, my frontal lobe isn't at 100 percent.

bonnie said...

Whenever I see these things, I get the uncomfortable feeling the wearer's brain is getting squeezed and turning blue. Oh wait~that might explain a lot...

Yet Another Steve said...

Yes, but if you make the headband out of twisted tinfoil, not only is it stylish as all get out, but it also blocks the Control Rays that the government is sending out.

adkinsra said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
芸茂 said...

Venture a small fish to catch a great one. ............................................................

Wendi said...

I love you Jennifer Worick! How did I not know about Things I Want to Punch in the Face until now? My life is nearly complete.

Jennifer Worick said...

Wendi: Rad. Welcome to the curmudgeon club!

SkitzoLeezra said...

I don't understand this trend. Even the Disney PokeMyHontas looks stooopid in a headband but to my mind, headbands are the female version of Ed Hardy t-shirts in that they indicate the presence of douchery.

Camille said...

Who the hell are those girls anyway? Why the fuck are they famous? They always look stupid, headband or not and yeah, the headbands are stupid, real stupid.

AmberFaith said...

Hilarious! I saw the Sisters Kardashian photos yesterday, and I had the same thoughts as you. WTF? I know Kourtney had worn this style in the past, but now it's spreading like a disease through the family. Make it stop! I don't even like it when people put these brain-squeezers on their babies. Ridiculous fashion.