Friday, June 18, 2010

Excessive fragrance

Back in the day, when fresh water and showerheads were a scarce commodity or nonexistent, folks covered their stank with aggressive oils and unguents that were slightly less overwhelming than the B.O. that comes from weeks of schvitzing and lord knows what else.

God bless the modern age and God bless the bathtub. We don’t have to mask our natural funk with a bucket of Estée Lauder’s newest eau de parfum. I don’t need to know you were in a room…three days after you bombed it with your Prince Matchabelli mushroom cloud. Your Wind Song stays on my mind…and my scent receptors.

Scent is like lingerie; only a chosen few (i.e. not your neighborhood) should have the privilege of experiencing it. A stripper once told me that she wears scented powder when she performs because as her body heats up, the scent is released and only those close to her can smell the faint fragrance. Hot.

Not so hot? Dudes doused in cologne. I can smell you too, preening across the room in your spendy CREED aftershave. I was assaulted by Drakkar Noir for pretty much all of the 80s. While all the alcohol in your cologne can be used to sterilize a wound or stoke a fire, it leaves me cold.

(photo: pocketchange.become.com)

10 comments:

Stephanie said...

Amen!

hs said...

Agreed - it is horrible when it happens at work and you cannot get away from the person. Even when you have your own office, perfume really permeates the whole area!

I really don't know why anyone thinks perfume makes you smell better!( just take a shower!)

The one I did love (not sure if they make it anymore) Love's Fresh Lemon. It smelled just like lemons (not overpowering either).

Yet Another Steve said...

Yes, yes, yes! If your cologne can be smelled from more than three feet away, it's an assault. And people in food service should never, ever, ever wear it on the job (well actually, nobody should wear it on the job; save it for those 'private' moments with someone whose olfactory lobes you've already killed).

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名青 said...

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Amy said...

Being stuck on the subway is bad enough.but I have to packed like sardines with a woman who's spent the last 3 hours at the perfume counter! Sardines would smell better.

Fanboy Wife said...

What about that Axe Body spray? Ugh! Why do boys from 12-22 think they can marinate in that instead of showering?

Camille said...

Agree completely!

Lisa said...

How has this never been PITF before? This is my biggest peeve at work - the people you can smell across the kitchen, or those who leave their odor in the elevator long after vacating. ugh! I'll take the scent of plain old soap any day over some chemicalized version of what a flower shop smells like.

flonkert0nchamp said...

ugh. there's a woman i work with who wears too much perfume. and not even good perfume. just standing next to her makes me gag.

i can only imagine that if i get pregnant, being around her will actually make me puke.