Olympic mascots

The 2012 London Olympic Games just revealed their official mascots and they are as misguided as The Office's David Brent.

From the country that gave us, in the words of Hugh Grant’s prime minister in Love Actually, “Shakespeare, Churchill, the Beatles, Sean Connery, Harry Potter. David Beckham's right foot. David Beckham's left foot, come to that,” I expected more. I expected something other than the mutant babies of some Teletubby inbreeding.

One critic called them computerized Smurfs for the iPhone generation. That’s an insult to Papa Smurf and the rest of Smurf village, but I will admit that the mascots’ giant eyes do look like a trackpad or webcam. Gargamel wouldn’t stalk these pansy-assed iShmoos if you paid him.

Named Wenlock and Mandeville, because apparently these mascots need another reason for a serious beating, the two mascots join an already silly group that includes a humanized snowball, ice cube, and snowflake from the ’06 Turin Winter Olympics; a cubist Catalan Sheepdog from the ’92 Barcelona Summer Olympics; and Sondre, a troll amputee from the ’94 Lillehammer Winter Paraolympics. Here’s an idea: instead of designing by focus group and political correctness, kick the mascots to the curb and celebrate the city and the athletes who will be gathering to compete instead. Or just use David Beckham’s right foot.