Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Crystal Gayle hair

I love long hair, I really do, but a gal shouldn’t have to worry about her drain-clogging coif clearing the toilet seat when she drops trou. When locks are skimming the floor, it’s not a hairstyle as much as a chairstyle. Tie the ends to a tree and relax in your portable hammock.

Calf- or knee-length hair ain’t pretty—there's a good two feet of split ends going on down there—and neither are your deep-seeded neuroses. You’re wearing your insecurity, not on your sleeve, but on your head. Put your follicular folly in a ponytail, snip it off, and ship it off to Locks of Love. If you don’t, my fist will make your brown eyes black and blue.

(photo: babble.com)

13 comments:

日本 said...
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Yet Another Steve said...

Crystal Gayle with a crewcut? What next, Madonna in gingham? A drug-free Rush Limbaugh? Paris Hilton with class? What a world, what a world.

Fanboy Wife said...

I have grown out my hair twice to give to Locks of Love. One time it was long enough to sit on, and I gave away almost 2 feet! I never had a problem with split ends, but it took forever to dry every day and I had a hard time keeping it neat unless I wore it up. I can understand some women keeping it long because of religion or sometimes even work, but I can't stand to have my hair that long.

Darcey Howard said...

other things that also don't classify as a hair style: scrunchy, clippy, do-rags, and anything you put around your wrist all day long, every day 'just in case' you want to pull your hair back 10 minutes after you walk out of the house.

海產 said...
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Vamp said...

LMAO! And I was just saying to my cousin the other day that I wanted to see if I could tolerate letting my hair grown to my knees :) Cause frankly, this hair of mine WOULD get that long if I let it, I generally keep it waist length or just above as it's also rather plentiful (fine, but lots of it), and knee length might break my neck. That said, yeah, if you don't take good care of your hair, no matter how long it gets it'll be split end city.

CarlaCarlaCarlaCarla said...

The hair in that picture resembles a horse's tail — which naturally encourages one to imagine it lifting slightly to shit out a pile of fresh-and-shiny manure.

Sky said...

This is so well written, commendations for this piece.

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RabbitStyleNews said...

Ha ha, chairstyle!

SkitzoLeezra said...

Just looking at the heinous Crystal Gayle pelt precipitates that salty taste in my mouth that precedes puckage. ~~gulp~~

Anonymous said...

And your pretty ? What is so great about your hair ? Looks like Austin Powers if you ask me.

Looks to me you are jealous that mop you call hair wont grow. Maybe you need to look at yourself first than criticise others.

To start I am a beautiful woman with hair that drags a few inches on the floor,and I am proud of it,and its beautiful,and healthy,and a golden blonde.

How do I wear it you must ask ? In a beautiful braid so it doesn't drag but I enjoy it,and so do others.

I will never cut it for no reason. Jealous ?

Anonymous said...

WTF is your problem so she has very long hair ok now you view it as a medical condition! Man do you have problems

Lisa Stark said...

Haha! What? No one thinks hair that long looks good sillies! You should DVR what not to wear and study it. For your own good! Smell the coffee.