Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Bob Costas’s head

In recent years, I’ve made a sport out of studying celebutards and trying to detect if they’ve had work done. I grimace at Bruce Jenner’s frozen face, even if he can’t. I want to take a pin to Nicole Kidman’s and Meg Ryan’s oft-inflated lips. I can’t look Heidi Montag in the eye. I know my mythology; I might turn to stone.

Enter the Olympics. I’m watching men and women who have transformed their bodies and worked them towards a goal. Such as Bob Costas. Specifically, his face. In looking at the NBC commentator, I’m a little confused about his particular end goal. Is he going for the gold in the Look of Perpetual Surprise Freestyle? Was he replaced with a Madame Tussaud’s wax figure after he was stopped at the border with an expired passport? Did he get a makeover from a Real Housewife? What the hell is going on?

I don’t know, but I do know that he’s a real eyesore. High definition has not been kind to Bob.

If his dark hair wasn’t distracting enough (is it just me, or has his pelt gotten darker every Olympic Games?), he looks as if he’s had an eye lift, some Botox to a forehead that’s now as tight as Johnny Weir’s short program costume, and some sort of peel. I’m afraid that his waxy skin will melt off if he gets too close to the Olympic Torch. Remember Frankenbob: Fire bad.

Not only is this sports commentator out of medal contention, he’s out of his mind. You’re a 57-year-old sportscaster, dude—it’s okay to age gracefully. We’re not looking at you anyway; we’re watching the speedskating gods in their formfitting unitards. In this case, high definition, good.

(photo: stampedeblue.com)

12 comments:

becca.elpy said...

I want to punch him because he says 'Gamesh' not 'games'. It's an 'S'!
BAH!
/rant

The McNeil Family said...

He is just an irritating human being. Really taints the Olympics. It's almost as if he thinks people watch the Olympics because he is broadcasting. Um no.. the Olympics would actually be that much more enjoyable if we didn't have to hear his stupid jokes.

Jennifer Worick said...

I think he's seriously arrogant.

SkitzoLeezra said...

I'm just lovin' the fact that you referred to Bob Costas' hair as a "pelt".

John said...

He's arrogant, vacuous, and irritating. He takes the gold in talking, without ever saying anything of worth; and he thinks he’s too cool for school.

Yet Another Steve said...

Nobody over 40 should dye their hair that dark. It just ages you by at least 10 years. I work with a gal who's probably 50, but dabbles excessively in the dark dye, which accentuates every line of her face and makes her look like a poorly-preserved 70.

Prasad said...

Bob Costas is the most irritating person ever. I am a die hard sports fan but when I see him on TV, I wish I was not. Hockey is my #1 favorite sport. I absolutely hate it when NBC makes him host the Winter Classic on the New Years Day. There are so many better candidates for the job. NBC.... please keep this idiot away at least from Hockey!

Prasad said...

I do not like Barry Bonds but I was happy when he said "Bob Costas is a little midget man who does not know jack about baseball"

ml_8000 said...

Bob use to be good but about 15 years ago (right around when Mark McGuire hit 70 HRs) he started to like the sound of his own voice and worst yet, his own stories.

He wants to be Vin Scully but without the humility or depth, not going to happen. Bob's weird hair and plastic works is the least of his problems.

Oh well.

TipsToToes said...

I so agree! On my TV he not only looks plasticy, but glowy and orange!

Anonymous said...

I just saw him on The Daily Show and it frightened me. He looks like he should be in the plastic surgery muck up line. WTF...

Anonymous said...

NBC wants him to appeal to female viewers so he tries to look young - instead he looks like a fool. He also thinks he is the last word on class. I can't stand the sight of him even if didn't open his stupid mouth.