#blessed

Well, duh. 

Way to state the obvious, Einstein. Of course we’re blessed. We live in a privileged society with fluoride in our tap water, computers and flat-screens in every home, organic chickens in every pot, access to health care, and Beyonce. We shop at Goodwill because it’s cool.

Adding a hashtag that telegraphs your gratitude and piety wastes 8 characters and clues in your tweeple that you are an unoriginal windbag who’s humblebragging your sweet-ass anointed life (Gwyneth) or trying to cover up the fact that you’re just happy to be here (Lindsay). Either way, it sounds insincere.

Put the #blessed to rest. Swap it out with something that conveys what you’re actually thinking. Instagramming your engagement ring? #couldabeenbigger Tweeting about the French toast your kids surprised you with? #chokingdowngluten Commenting on an unflattering throwback Thursday photo that a childhood friend posted and tagged you in? #paybackisabitch

I guarantee that you’ll get retweeted. #amen 

(photo: puttingonthenew.com)

Missionaries

DaddyGregor sent this to me and I couldn't have said it better myself…so I didn't.

If you come to my door on a 90-degree day, sweaty from peddling your white-shirted, black-trousered self all around my 'hood, and ask me where god is in my life, I am likely to say, "which one?"

Then, if you think I am a polytheist, I will take you on a road through the ins and outs of my multiple lives as a polygamist (just like your Mormon grandfather, perhaps…). Conversely, if you guess that I in fact already lead multiple lives, I correct you and then expound upon the various gods of Norse mythology and how I feel them acting in my day-to-day life. Why? Because religion is a personal thing and you are a complete stranger. So, if I am hardly likely to be swayed in my beliefs at this point, even by a close friend, it's a waste of my time for you to go a-working on my soul.

And if anyone is gonna waste my time, then I'm gonna be driving, be it the car or the conversation. It makes no difference to me.

(photo: mtbouldering.blogspot.com)