Siri: “I have a fishbowl punch located on the menu at the Genie Bar. Do you want directions?”
I’m a longtime Apple-only user. I know a few key commands, I can solve most glitches on my own, some friends even ask me for Mac advice. I used to believe all this was sort of a “na-nu na-nu” secret handshake into the cool kids’ club. Heck, I even wear interesting eyewear, for the love of Steve Jobs. Prescription eyewear, bitches.
But moseying up to the Apple Store’s Genius Bar and my illusion/delusion is shattered. I’m not nerdy cool. I’m a tool. My only consolation is that I’m beta-lame, while everyone ahead of me in line is a 2.0 tool (in fact, they might be cyborgs). I have a lot of time to observe these bearded, iPadded creatures in their natural habitapp, seeing as my Casio just went from 3:00 to 3:45—Cupertino time—while I wait for assistance on a stool clearly imported from the distant future.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Apple is shamelessly trying to stroke my ego, whispering in my ear like a 21st-century iAgo. There’s no need to make me feel like a Mensa member just because I belly up to the bar; my IQ score did that for me in fifth grade. Bitches.
(photo: thinkgeek.com)
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5 comments:
this is friggin stupid - get over yourself
My one experience with the "Genius Bar" convinced me that its name should really be "(Lowering the) Genius Bar."
My friends and I once defined the words douchebag, dickhead, and asshole. A douchebage is someone who is part of a club but isn't aware of it. An dickhead knows he is part of a club and thinks it makes him cool. An asshole is someone who may be part of a club but doesn't care what you think of him or the club. We thought this up about fake motorcycle gang riders but it may apply to Apple users too. Maybe, while in line, you created a new definition? The "get me outta here" tag? I had the same experience when someone asked me to join Facebook. I was embarrassed to have ever had a profile.
My friends and I once defined the words douchebag, dickhead, and asshole. A douchebage is someone who is part of a club but isn't aware of it. An dickhead knows he is part of a club and thinks it makes him cool. An asshole is someone who may be part of a club but doesn't care what you think of him or the club. We thought this up about fake motorcycle gang riders but it may apply to Apple users too. Maybe, while in line, you created a new definition? The "get me outta here" tag? I had the same experience when someone asked me to join Facebook. I was embarrassed to have ever had a profile.
Holy crap. I was entertained by your blog enough to consider sharing with my friends, but I'm over it. The batshit stupid replies you receive are embarrassing.
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