As the temperatures soar, I beeline to the beach. But instead of cooling off, my blood really starts to boil when I spot tantards, tricked out in full-on makeup and their entire jewelry box. Even if you happen to be a Kardashian sister or are filming a reality show, back away from the waterproof eyeliner and the gold bangles. (And if you are Snooki, start jackhammering that shit off before I do it for you.)
Wearing the complete cosmetic cornucopia—foundation, blush, bronzer, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, lipliner, lipstick—is going to clog your pores, particularly if you add sunscreen into the mix. And when you wear a tangle of necklaces or a fistful of rings, you’re adding tan lines, dulling your baubles, and risking loss or damage.
Oh, and you look fekking dumb. You look like you’re trying too hard. Frankly, you look desperate. Sorry to put sand in your Spandex, but the beach is a place to chill and let your hair down. It’s not the place to show off your new Shimmer Brick and tennis bracelet.
Step away from the MAC and the Maybelline, and leave the ghetto gold back at the beach house. Real beach bunnies have the confidence to embrace the elements and their natural beauty. I learned that from Baywatch.