Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Beach makeup and jewelry

As the temperatures soar, I beeline to the beach. But instead of cooling off, my blood really starts to boil when I spot tantards, tricked out in full-on makeup and their entire jewelry box. Even if you happen to be a Kardashian sister or are filming a reality show, back away from the waterproof eyeliner and the gold bangles. (And if you are Snooki, start jackhammering that shit off before I do it for you.)

Wearing the complete cosmetic cornucopia—foundation, blush, bronzer, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, lipliner, lipstick—is going to clog your pores, particularly if you add sunscreen into the mix. And when you wear a tangle of necklaces or a fistful of rings, you’re adding tan lines, dulling your baubles, and risking loss or damage.

Oh, and you look fekking dumb. You look like you’re trying too hard. Frankly, you look desperate. Sorry to put sand in your Spandex, but the beach is a place to chill and let your hair down. It’s not the place to show off your new Shimmer Brick and tennis bracelet.

Step away from the MAC and the Maybelline, and leave the ghetto gold back at the beach house. Real beach bunnies have the confidence to embrace the elements and their natural beauty. I learned that from Baywatch.

(photo: inquisitr.com)

19 comments:

Mother, Wife & Other said...

I love this post. Its very true though. Quite similarly when you go to the gym and there are people there plastered with makeup and jewellery!! When im on holiday I shove my hair up out of my face slap on the sunscreen and im away! No mascara runs for me !!
xx

jyoti said...

yes its right wearing foundation, blush, bronzer, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, lipliner, lipstick—is going to clog our pores.
So i go with only waterproof linear and some suncream.
Diamond Earrings

Tina Eudora said...

I totally agree with you but I also feel some sorrow for these people as it seems that they don't feel that they are enough on their own.
Since retiring I haven't worn makeup or painted my nails more than once or twice a year.
Tina

estroJen said...

Great post!

Charlynn said...

Yes, yes and YES.

Wendi said...

How about people who exercise and wear makeup or a ton of perfume! Really? You need to get all dolled up to sweat? Sick!

玉婷良DGFHFJ瑋黃吳 said...

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王名仁 said...

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SkitzoLeezra said...

As a south Louisiana chick close to the Dirty Coast, it was only when I visited Florida's beautiful beaches did I see the glamour gals in teased hairsprayed hair, full make-up plus primary colored chunky bead necklaces, earrings and bracelets. For a half second, I felt like a country-comes-to-town bumpkin but . . it's the beach! Sweat, sun and surf!
Imagining the crazy tan lines produced by those grape-sized beads, I smiled.

Yet Another Steve said...

@Wendi : "people who exercise and wear ... a ton of perfume!"

Yeah, you don't want to be on the treadmill next to one of those, you'll be pukin' before you're through.

@Jen: "Real beach bunnies have the confidence to embrace the elements and their natural beauty. I learned that from Baywatch."

SO true. But it's okay to get built-in flotation devices because that's a safety issue.

RalphBrau采男 said...

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吳婷婷 said...

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Fanboy Wife said...

I never knew that the beach was a place that people got dressed up to go. It probably wouldn’t matter if they got punched in the face anyway because the bruise wouldn’t show up under all of the makeup.

雅俊芬凱陳許 said...
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JasonBirk佳琪 said...
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Wilma NC said...

Just saw your blog mentioned in Reader's Digest as 1 of 4 of the best blogs. Cool!!! They quoted the post about taking your shoes off at parties to protect hard wood floors.

bonnie said...

I'm confronted with this all the time at the Jersey shore and couldn't agree with you more. How the heck do they keep all that makeup from becoming a smeary, runny mess?

Parabolic Muse said...

tantards. HA!

basically, these morons don't swim, or even like the sun. they just want an excuse to be almost naked in front of strangers.

Helen from Hobart said...

Sorry but I didn't get the point of this post - even though I'm 100% with you on the others.

Here are my thoughts on the words I didn't understand :

What is a tantard ?
is it the politically correct way of talking about a simpleton ? ie retard ?
is it a temper tantrum ? a hurricane person - loud shouting obvious show off ?

Kardashian sister ?
Pair of émigrés /illegals/economic refugees from eastern Europe ?

Snooki ?
Bloke with chest hair implant and gold necklaces ?

Helen from Hobart