Are you having an allergic reaction? Can you even see through those slits you call eyes? What are you so fucking smug about? Bridget Jones Diary and Chicago were a longgggg time ago, sweetcheeks. Maybe you’re worried about the recession and you’re storing nuts in there for next winter (which is, admittedly, not a bad idea). Whatever the case, Tweety Bird, you need to step away from the cosmetic fillers, bee stings, and possibly shellfish and give your face a chance to deflate.But not until after I clean your cuckoo clock. If you insist on maintaining your face bloat, let me offer me, myself & my fist to the cause. Slapping will put some color in your cheeks, while a serious punch or two will swell those eyes shut once and for all.
You had me at hell, no!
Best. Closing. Line. Ever.
ReplyDeleteI love Renee and Tyra. I guess I'm strange. I agree about Miracle Whip though. Yuck
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty.
ReplyDeleteNita
The red lips DO NOT help, either. I'm just sayin.
ReplyDeleteYou have read my mind. WHO thinks she's all that? No one I know. Or would want to know.
ReplyDeleteThe Onion had a piece last week - "Renee Zelwegger No Longer 'Renee Zellwegger Type'" - but you nailed the reason why.
ReplyDeleteWORDY MC WORD. Damn, I am all over this, like jam.
ReplyDelete